"You're not the first to be deceived by my rugged good looks and boyish charm."

What do you do when your Granddad wants to set up a Facebook and friend you?

First of all, I admit that I'm surprised that my Granddad knows what a Facebook is. It's not that he's not technologically savvy; the man's pushing eighty, but he can text message faster than I can. It's just I'm usually the one who clues him on fads outside the business world. Apparently, he heard about it on CNN. Thanks, Anderson Cooper.

But back to the issue at hand: having my granddad for a Facebook friend. It's not like I have naked pictures on mine or anything too embarrassing like that, but having my Granddad (who is basically my dad for all practical purposes) able to see my flirting with other people & using "language unbecoming to a young lady?

Awkward. 

Let's hope he never realizes I have a "real" blog. As it is, I may have to resort to a fake Facebook.

While taking my evening nap, I had the absolute strangest dream I've ever had: a sex dream about my high school drama teacher, Kyle Jacobs. It was very odd. Not only because it was starring me and Mr. Jacobs, but for the fact that there really wasn't that much sex and it wasn't a sexy dream. It was more of a post-sex sort of dream in which Mr. Jacobs was grading me; I got a A for flexibility, agility, and sportsmanship, but only a B for presentation and a D for imagination. I argued about the grade, so he was like, "Well, you can have a do-over," and so we did. Afterward, when I was basking in the afterglow of a better grade, he was like, "lollerskates, I was just joking about the the low grade before, but I sure enjoyed the do-over!"

I was just about to hit him when my alarm went off. 

I have no idea what this means. Quite frankly, I’m not sure if I want to interpret that one.

Okay, the other afternoon my ex Sofia drug me along running with her. She's staying with us until her new apartment's ready, and she normally drags Alek (her brother, in case you were wondering about the dynamics) but he was busy or some shit. Personally, I think he was probably hiding in the bar across from our apartment until Sofia gave up, but she wears really short shorts whenever she exercises, so I was willing to sweat for the ambiance.

Anyways, we're running in some park I never even knew existed when we see a bunch of kind of dirty looking kids carrying around some box, trying to sell people something. This isn't exactly an uncommon sight, so we just ignored them and kept on with our business. But when we lap around, we realize they have bunnies. Again, not exactly uncommon, but it kind of made us uncomfortable. Then, we made a third round by them and realize they're kind of... I don't know how to word it really, just acting a little suspicious and way too rough with the container. I turned around, and started querying the kids about the rabbits and what the fuck they were up to while Sof turned on the intimidating look in the background. This naturally leads us to taking the rabbits. We ended up emptying out all the cash we had on us (Sof, $20; Me, $7.75) so we could take them away before something bad happened. Now, listen to me, people, you would have taken these rabbits, too. I don't care what kind of hard hearted mofo you think you are, these rabbits are magical rabbits of fluffy, bunnicular love-muffininess. I see you doubting, but you would've done the same thing.

So, we end up lugging this Rubbermaid container filled with nervous bunnies a mile (not easy) back to the apartment, and Sof ran down to a pet store and got them stuff with both our credit cards. We're setting them up by the time Alek and Shane come back, and they're both pretty much like, "wtf?" But Sof and I are charming, so the bunnies didn't end up being some sort of weird Russian dinner. Our original plan was to pawn the bunnies off to friends, but now we're all sort of attached. Shane skipped work the other night because she didn't want to leave them alone, and I've been stealing all sorts of veggies and fruit from work to bring them.

So now we have three bunnies, a special little cage thing for them that maxed out another one of my credit cards, and some toys. After looking up how to tell what sex a bunny is on the Internet (it felt like looking at bunny porn - really weird), we have: Dolly Parton, ZZ Top, and Ella Fitzgerald.

( Pictures! )

I called my parents the other day and told them they were going to be grandparents again. You'd think as pastors, my parents would hate the idea of their single, bartender, band-playing son repopulating, but my parents are too cool. My mom was like, "Score, another grandkid!" Then, I corrected her and told her "Grandbunnies." They sent bunny toys and litter in the mail.

Yeah, I'll post more beyond bunneh love later.

[PRIVATE]

So, Tilly and I have been doing the whole "friends with benefits" thing for a couple of weeks. Then, Tilly told me she wanted more, so we'd have to break it off. She was really nice about realizing I don't want a serious relationship at this point, but I still feel like crap. She's obviously beating herself up because she thinks this is somehow her faulty or some stupid shit like that. I tried to explain that this was all me, but I don't think she believes me.

Seriously, if I were at a different point in my life, I would have no problem actually seriously dating Tilly. But right now, I don't want to date anyone - it's not fair to them. I literally live paycheck to paycheck, my credit cards are climbing dangerously up to the max level, I have a full-time job pushing liquor in people's face, I have another full-time job trying to get one of the bands off, I lived crammed in a 1 bedroom/1 bath/1 loft apartment with three other people. Depending on how everything goes with the Heartbreakers, I may be moving to Nashville in a couple of months with practically no notice. On top of that, my mom's dying, but no one but Nate, dad, mom, & I know. And when she does die, our family is going to fall apart, at least temporarily.

I act like I'm the King of Nonchalance, but the truth is that I'm struggling. I don't deny that I kind of enjoy the struggle sometimes, but I can't involve anyone else in that right now.

Jesus.

I hate goddamn buses. I always get stuck next to four sorts of people: one, the large man with horrendous BO and a chewing tobacco habit; two, the little old lady who wants to tell her life's story ten times; three, the pre-teen girl who stares at me the entire time because, omg, I have a penis and I'm sitting next to her!; and four, which is my personal favorite, the guy who looks like a crazed drifter who would kill a man just to watch him die, and then do nasty things with the body.



Still, I could suffer through all the mind-numbing madness if I hadn't forgotten my cell phone charger. Now, I have to conserve energy instead of mindlessly surfing the net on my phone, and texting everyone known to mankind. Needless to say, "Heather" and I are going to be BFF by the time we get to Minnesota, and will have exchanged handmade friendship bracelets as well as promised to name our kids after each other and never, ever lose touch. 

I'll see everyone in OF in three days if I don't throw myself in front of the bus before we leave Jersey.

This year's really been interesting since it's technically the first real year of my "grown-up years," so to speak. First, post-high school, I had four years of classes crammed into three years and summer semesters for undergrad school because I was oh-so excited about the future. Then followed the PhD program for Anthropology, which was a strange mixture of school and adulthood; on one hand, I was still in school and paying out the ass for it, but I did get paid (albeit a tiny amount) for part of it, and I was also responsible for some pretty big things, all things considering. Then came the internship/teaching assistant gig, where I was so freaking excited about becoming an "adult" and a "professional" that I went a little crazy with the power.

Then, bam, in August, I got the first real job in my "career" - one with "status" and "potential" and "perks" - and all I wanted to do is cry, watch old Power Ranger tapes and Disney movies, and sleep at home in my old bed. But, you know, I've settled down and adjusted, more or less. I actually answer to "Doctor Ainsworth" now. (Although, Dr. A or C works better.) I don't cry over my ex every night; now, it's just every other. I bought some warmer clothes, and I've actually made friends with some faculty members instead of trying to bond with the students more.



That catches me up to Halloween night. Leah and I went to a Halloween party a professor who will remain anonymous for both our sakes at U of M was throwing; he and I are friendly, but I really need to make an effort to gain some friendships at work, so I drug Leah with me. It was a costume party, and the theme was "Pop Culture Icons." I went as Princess Leia and Leah went as Posh Spice. And I must say, WOW. I went to a few parties in undergrad, and a couple of more later on, but I must say that the faculty party was much wilder than any college party I ever went to. Granted, my college experience was fairly tame, but this was absolutely insane. It was a good thing I stopped at one cup of "Voodoo Punch" since my alcohol tolerance is legendarily pathetic.

Leah, bless her little heart, got completely wasted; I blame her inner Posh Spice. She actually did full-on body shots with a group of people, and I had to carry/drag her up the flight of stairs into our townhouse, which was no easy task especially since she kept on singing "Wannabe" and smacking my ass the entire time. 

But really, Leah was quite the mild one at the party. Seriously, it was like Animal House blew up in there. Everyone except this one professor from the chemistry department was dressed like a hoochie (including Leah and me now that I think about it), extremely potent alcohol poured freely, and I'm pretty sure I smelled pot coming from one of the upstairs bedroom. OH, and to top the evening off, I also saw two professor whom I both knew doing it in one of the bathrooms. My retinas are scarred, thank you.



In conclusion: "Adulthood" does not always equally maturity.

Maddie and I had our engagement party at Évreux on Saturday night. And as usual, whenever you throw in a bunch of Deverauxs and some liquor together, mayhem and chaos erupts. Although in all fairness, we're definitely to blame for part of it. I know we just "announced" our engagement, but Maddie and I actually got married a few weeks ago. We wanted to get married our way before our families swooped down and went overboard with wedding details, so we eloped. We just told a handful of people about it, and went ahead with the big wedding plans, figuring we'd let this wedding be our families'.

Saturday, however, I went to my engagement party still wearing my wedding ring. I wear my ring just about everywhere outside the hospital unless we're supposed to meet Grams or any of my relatives who don't know (which was everyone but Harley, Brody, and my Dad). About the time my mom was introducing me to some VIP she was schmoozing, she noticed I was wearing a wedding band. Then, she looked over and saw Maddie was wearing a wedding band, and Maddie's Gram noticed the rings about five seconds later. Needless to say, we were yanked away mid-introduction. We had some very rushed conversations, reassuring to do, and then Maddie and I had to make a speech to the family and a few friends, which was slightly awkward to say the least.

After we were bombarded with questions like "Is Madison pregnant?" (She's not), the shock wore off, and everyone pretty much went back to drinking and meddling. We're Cajun by heritage, after all. We got some more pregnancy questions, and then just about everyone else offered us a house of some sort. After the party finally died down, half of the family just went to Cherryridge where the after party with the hard liquor was. After that night, I was even happier that Maddie and I went ahead and just eloped. If we had done the whole party/family celebration beforehand, I think she would've backed out of the whole deal. I love my family, seriously I do, but they're all a little overwhelming, especially when you put them together, and give them an open bar and buffet. And believe me, they all take the concept of “open bar” a little too seriously.

WHO: Nate and Rob
GAME: orchardmod
WHAT: FUCKING! Yayz!
WHERE: Nate's house
WHEN: May 15, 2008
RATING: NC-17, def.
NOTE: This is Part 2! Nate = me; Rob = them

( Apparently he was willing to do anything for a man with a mouth like that. )

WHO: Nate and Rob
GAME: orchardmod
WHAT: FUCKING! Yayz!
WHERE: Nate's house
RATING: NC-17, def.
NOTE: This is Part 1! Nate = me; Rob = them

( Liar. You're thinking about me. That's okay. I might be thinking about you too. )

WHO: Maddie and Riley
GAME: OF2 (orchardmod
WHAT: OMGWTFBBQ THE PROPOSAL
WHERE: Outside of Fleur restaurant at Sweetwater Orchards
WHEN: Saturday night, May 3rd
RATING: PG

( Some people in town would probably remark that Riley Cooper was proposing too soon; after all, Maddie and Riley had only been dating since last October, and had barely passed their six-month anniversary. )

Mental breakdown/angst galore/crisis adverted. I'm not going into too many details, but it was just many bad things happening at the same time: some job anxiety, a fight with my parents, PMS, my grandpa's health, and probably worst of all, the anniversary of the death of someone whom I loved very much. I took a few days off work, though, and some distance and mindless distraction helped a lot. Who knew Gossip Girls and Little House on the Prairie could be so healing? Well, Little House is a given. Michael Landon is awesome that way.

I feel pretty stupid about all the work anxiety. Basically, I was pretty certain (as was the rumor mill) that I had been passed over for being the OB-GYN Chief Resident next year at the OFMC - despite the fact that I have the best GPA, best patient satisfaction ratings, best schooling, and some of the hardest electives under my belt of anyone else my year for someone who was related to one of the OFMC's Board of Directors members and screwing another. I was pretty seriously pissed, needless to say, and was also pretty seriously considering applying to another program. But I got offered the position at the OFMC Tuesday after all, so I'm staying. Yay.

My stupid freaking cousin's getting married in about a month. Seriously, I like weddings, unless I happen to be related to the person; but I especially dislike them if the relative's younger than me, which happens to be true in this case. That means I get ten million, "Sunita, you're so pretty. What are you doing to drive men away?" comments, along with the occasional "Are you a lesbian? Because I know a nice boy who wouldn't mind" or "Your job is too intimidating! You should sell shoes, and get yourself a man" comments. Seriously, my family can be so stereotypical sometimes it kills me. I can't even say it's just the older generations (although it mostly is), because my brother can be just as bad. I should probably focus on getting a date for the wedding right now. I know I should be strong, stand alone, whatever, but I do that all the time and at least it's more fun if I bring someone they don't approve of. Nate already turned me down, the bastard, because he has work. Ass.

Speaking of ass, I'm about to go make one of myself in public at pilates thanks to freaking Mandy York and Raul Sanchez. Everyone keeps on swearing it's the best thing ever, but I like adrenaline type things, like soccer, kickboxing, or running. I'm probably going to end up accidentally kicking someone like I did the last time I tried yoga. I can only hope it's Mandy or Raul.

Who: Madison Young & Riley Cooper
GAME: OF2 (orchardmod
What: Making up for a lost holiday
Where: Riley's apartment
When: Friday, February 15th (morning)
Rating: R-ish

( At least you didn't say I smelled. )

DRABBLE: Dani & Stace X 2; two untitled drabbles; totally 1404 words; PG-ish; OF2 'verse; after Charlie's funeral & when Stace and Dani meet. Posted on penelopegarcia too.

( By the time she made it to the Thorne’s house ten minutes later, she was cold and she had torn the pantyhose she had worn that day. )

( It was the first day of school at Orchard Falls Elementary School and she’d soon be ushering her seventeenth kindergarten class into her classroom. )

DRABBLE: Elliot/Stace with a side of Charlie/Stace; untitled drabble; 1746 words; PG-13-ish; OF2 'verse; post-high school


( I'm not walking down the aisle to a Backstreet Boys song. )

WHO: Riley & 'Tiffany' (Andy's Blind Date Nightmare)
WHAT: Andy & Harley schemed a surefire way to get Maddie & Riley together by setting up the worst blind dates in history. Now, poor Riley must go through with the evening
WHERE: Sweetwater Orchards (Fleur restaurant)
RATING: PG-13


( He was going to kill Maddie. That was clearly the only way to get revenge for this whole thing. Or better yet, he'd make her go out with Hank. Ha. )

WHO: Andy Peach & Harley Cooper
WHAT: Andy & Harley see that Harley’s brother, Riley, and their high school friend, Maddie, are clearly an OTP. So, during laundry, they plot.
WHERE: laundry room of their apartment building
RATING: PG-13


( I know that look. I fear that look. )